


Just A Little Bit of Light

by elizzleonizzle



Category: Dear Evan Hansen - Pasek & Paul/Levenson
Genre: Evan and Connor adopt two kids, Evan and Connor are married if that wasn't clear, Evan's dad is a stereotypical Trump supporter, I had to give Evan's dad a name, M/M, Mild Language, Tree Bros, an Evan centered story but I love my boy Connor a bit too much, fight me, has ocs sorry m8, heyo this is gayo, nice, peggy has autism, the title is from a deleted song...title, this gets updated once every blue moon I'm sorry
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2017-07-04
Updated: 2018-10-28
Packaged: 2018-11-23 04:50:48
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 4
Words: 3,343
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11395695
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/elizzleonizzle/pseuds/elizzleonizzle
Summary: Evan felt his stomach fill up with anxiety and his eyes widen in distress; of all the things he could ever expect to happen today, an email from his father - of whom he hadn't spoken to in over a decade - was certainly not on the list.





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> everyone is OOC f r i c k m e
> 
> (I wrote this at like 2am sue me)

Evan wasn't sure what to do.  
All he could do was sit and stare at the email in front of him; he kept reading and re-reading one line over and over: **'I'm coming to visit'**.  
Evan felt his stomach fill up with anxiety and his eyes widen in distress; of all the things he could ever expect to happen today, an email from his father - of whom he hadn't spoken to in over a decade - was certainly not on the list.

Connor watched, fondly, as Dan skipped ahead, leaping into piles of snow that had been pushed to the side of the curb.  
A chilly breeze wafted through the air, sending a small shiver down Connor's back, and he heaved a heavy, yet content, sigh, his breath showing up like a tiny cloud of smoke in the cold air.  
The dirty snow clumped into his son's hair, forming little chunks that clung to his bangs, and Connor made a mental note to make sure he took a bath tonight.  
Peggy was holding onto his hand as they slowly walked along the path, talking about what had happened at school that day, her free hand clutching a piece of paper with innocent, childish doodles scribbled all over its surface. The paper blew in the wind, fluttering gently and creating a soporific crinkle as the breeze traveled through it.  
The trio made their way through the neighbourhood, pausing only once to say hello to Mrs. Oswald's cat before carrying on again. Once they had finally made it inside and into the warmth, the twins immediately shed their coats and enthusiastically bolted into their shared room whilst Connor made his way to the kitchen, where Evan was sat in the very same hunched position he had been in an hour ago when he had received the email. Noticing his partner's anxious expression, Connor gingerly made his way over to the worried lad and, as gently as he could, pulled up a chair across from him.  
“Hey,” He took Evan's hand from across the table and gave it a gentle squeeze. “Are you okay?” Evan just pushed the laptop towards Connor and held his head in his free hand.  
Connor's brow furrowed as he read the email. He looked up from the screen and attempted to make eye contact with Evan. “Is this for real?”  
Evan nodded.  
Connor turned back to the laptop and huffed. “Who does he think he is? Does he think he can just waltz back into your life after be gone for all of it?” Evan took his hand away from Connor's grip and rubbed his hands furiously on his face.  
“I guess!”  
There was a pregnant pause. “You know you don't have to let him come. You're an adult; this is your house. If you say he can't come, he can't. Hell, you could file a restraining order if you really wanted to!”  
“But...” Evan looked down at his hands as they fiddled with the edge of his shirt. Connor gestured for him to continue. “I kinda...want to, um, see him?” He took a shaky breath. “I mean, it's been...years since I've seen him--”  
“Yeah, and who's--”  
“And,” Evan shot Connor a cautious look. “I think, maybe, it would be...nice? To see him again?”  
There was a heavy silence, filled with the sounds of Dan and Peggy playing in the other room.  
“Okay.”  
Evan's eyes flickered up toward Connor, who was staring at the laptop screen. “W-wait, really?” Connor nodded and took Evan's hand in his own. He took a breath and smiled, looking Evan in the eye.  
“If you really want to, then yes. Who knows; maybe he won't be as shit as my dad is.”


	2. Chapter 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Pancakes, Birds, and Anxiety

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So Dan and Peggy call Evan "Abba", which is Hebrew for "Father". I like to headcanon that Evan is Jewish (props to my boy, Ben Platt) so to me, it makes sense that they would call him that.
> 
> Plus "Papa" didn't really fit with Evan tbh

Connor woke up to Dan jumping on his chest, his son's knobbly little knees digging into his chest. His dark hair was somehow still wet from last night's bath, and his violent bouncing had caused little droplets of water to fly onto Connor's unimpressed face.

"Dad! You said we could make pancakes this morning! Dad, come on; I know you're not asleep!" Dan ceased his bouncing and moved his face until it was only inches from Connor's.

"Daaa-aaad," The young boy whispered, holding out the 'A' for a needlessly long time.

Realizing he wasn't going to win this battle, Connor heaved a sigh and sat up in his bed, casting a glance at Evan's sleeping form. He jerked his head towards the other man.

"Why didn't you wake up Abba?"

It was part of their daily routine that one of the kids -usually Dan- would wake up Evan first, then Connor a bit later. No one in the household knew exactly how their routine had evolved this way, but it had.

Dan shrugged and knelt up on Connor's legs, picking at a loose string of cotton on the comforter.

"He seemed kinda'...sad last night, and when you're sad you like to sleep, so I thought maybe Abba might want to sleep a little more today."

Connor stared at Dan for a second before smiling and reaching over to run a hand through his son's hair.

"Come on," He breathed, pulling himself away from the source of warmth and comfort that was his cozy bed, "Let's go make pancakes..."

 

Evan woke up feeling very lethargic, digging the heels of his hand into his eyes as he yawned and sat up. He blearily glanced at the clock next to the bed, eyes widening with surprise as he noticed the time: 9:48? Why hadn't anyone woken him up yet?

He got out of bed and trudged down the stairs to be greeted with the jovial sight of Connor and Dan flipping pancakes at the stove whilst Peggy sat at the kitchen table, doodling in a tattered, pink notebook. Noticing his arrival, Connor turned away from the stove as Dan flipped a gooey pancake onto the counter and gave Evan a sarcastic smile. “Good morning, Sleeping Beauty! Have a nice hundred years of slumber?”

Evan rolled his eyes. “Ha, ha. Good morning to you too.” He took the seat next to Peggy and watched as Connor and Dan attempted to salvage the pancake that had fallen out of the skillet. He felt a small tap on his arm and looked down to see Peggy had placed a drawing in front of him. It was a simple doodle of a bird sitting on a branch with a worm hanging from its beak. Evan smiled at Peggy and handed back the drawing.

“It’s amazing, sweetie.”

Peggy beamed and went back to her notebook, drawing what Evan could only assume were more birds. Evan picked up a stray sheet of paper and grabbed a discarded pencil and started to lightly sketch out a tree. After a few minutes, Peggy reached over and drew a small bird on one of the branches.

“It’s a sparrow,” She said matter-of-factly. Evan nodded and drew a similar bid next to it.

“And that’s his friend.”

Peggy studied the picture for a second, before drawing a nest between the two birds. “This is their nest,” She looked her father in the eye. “They’re love birds.”

Evan snorted with laughter as Connor place a plate full of pancakes in the center of the table, Dan following behind with a bottle half-full with maple syrup. The group ate quickly, and soon Dan and Peggy were stacking blocks in the living room as Connor and Evan sat perched on the couch; Connor messing around with his sketch book and Evan working on a reply to the email. What was he even supposed to say? _Hey, I know we haven’t seen each other in over a decade but I want to get to know you, even though you’ve been absent for most of my life and never bothered to contact me or my mother at all._

That didn’t seem very tactful.

Searching for a distraction, Evan watched as Dan and Peggy attempted to make a stack of blocks taller than themselves. After the fourth attempt, he turned to Connor, who was now mindlessly scrolling through social media. When he noticed Evan was looking, he showed him a meme an account he followed on Instagram had posted.

“I don’t understand how people find this funny,” Connor snorted, pulling the phone away from Evan. “Of course Jared liked this.” Shaking his head, Evan turned back to his laptop, opening a Word document in an attempt to at least start on a reply.

_Hey._

Delete. Too casual.

_Hello._

Better, but felt a bit too formal.

_Yo._

This was just pathetic.

Evan closed the laptop in frustration, taking a deep breath as he glanced at the clock. He had work in an hour; he should probably start getting ready.

“Abba,” a voice pulled him away from his thoughts, and he came face to face with Dan. “Can we go to the playground today?” Evan smiled.

“You should probably ask—“

“Dad, can we go to the park?” Dan turned away from Evan suddenly and faced Connor with the same question. Connor smiled and shrugged.

“Why not?” As soon as he had said those words the twins had bolted out of the room and up the stairs to change out of their pajamas. Connor chuckled.

“I should probably get changed too,” He said as he sat up, pressing a quick kiss to Evan’s cheek. He paused, noticing his husband’s expression. “Are you okay?”

Evan nodded. “Yeah, I’m just having a little trouble figuring out how to respond to this email…”Connor nodded.

“Well, I’m sure you’ll think of something. After all, you are good at writing emails,” He said with a wink. Evan groaned.

“I thought we weren’t going to talk about that anymore!”

“Nope!” Connor laughed as he headed upstairs. Evan released a sigh he hadn’t realized he was holding. Connor was right, he could do this. It was just an email.

An email telling his biological father he wanted to see him again.

Evan groaned and buried his face in a pillow before tramping upstairs as well.

Maybe a shower would help him think.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I tried to make this chapter as long as possible to compensate for how short the last one was
> 
> (Also in this AU Connor's suicide attempt failed (obviously) and was in a coma for a bit in the hospital and his parents still thought Evan was his friend and the email thing happened :) glad that's cleared up)
> 
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> (and another thing: will roland liked one of my instagram posts im not okay man down man down)


	3. Chapter 3

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The trio walked in silence and Evan figured now was as any good of a time to mention the whole ‘hey-you-guys-have-a-grandfather-we’ve-never-spoken-about-before-and-he’s-kinda-sorta-coming-to-visit-because-your-Abba-has-issues’ thing.
> 
> Except maybe he should phrase it differently.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> this is up later than I wanted it to be whoops
> 
> I also posted this without it being checked over by a trusted source so rip me i guess
> 
> im a mess send help

 “Dan, slow down!”

Dan slid to a stop, looking back with annoyance at Evan and Peggy as they walked slowly down the sidewalk, Peggy looking around at the birds in the trees and sitting on telephone wires.

“But it’s _Friday_!” He called back as if it explained everything. Evan smiled and reached for the boy’s hand as they approached each other.

“I know, buddy, but you could slip and fall on the ice and get hurt,” Evan explained as they continued their pace down the path, Dan now walking beside them. 

“There’s not even that much ice,” The boy mumbled. Peggy caught her brother’s eye from across their Abba and the two seven-year-olds held a conversation without words. Evan watched them for a second, and Dan seemed to end the conversation after a second or so with a sort of ‘hmph’ sound and the two left it at that.

The trio walked in silence and Evan figured now was as any good of a time to mention the whole ‘hey-you-guys-have-a-grandfather-we’ve-never-spoken-about-before-and-he’s-kinda-sorta-coming-to-visit-because-your-Abba-has-issues’ thing.

Except maybe he should phrase it differently.

He cleared his throat. “So…” Why did this feel so awkward? “You know how Dad has a mom and dad, and how I have a mom…” He trailed off awkwardly. Where was he going with this?

“I have a mom,” Peggy parroted. Dan shook his head vigorously, the scarf wrapped around his neck beginning to loosen, and Evan refrained himself from fixing it because _I don’t want you getting sick from the cold, Daniel._

“You don’t have a mom. You have a dad and an Abba.”

Peggy looked confused. “But all the families on the TV have a mom and a dad…”

Evan felt himself stiffen. He didn’t want to have this conversation; Not here, not now. But Dan just shrugged nonchalantly, ducking as an overhanging branch from a bush came in front of his path. “Dad says not everything you see on TV is real. Like _Steven Universe_ , there aren’t really any Crystal Gems in real life.”

Peggy stared at her brother for a moment before making a small ‘oh’ and going back to gazing at the birds. Evan cleared his throat.

“Anyway, _my_ dad is coming over for a visit,” He could practically hear the questions building up inside Peggy’s mind, and he braced himself for the worst. He didn’t want to explain the concept of divorce today, either.

“Why haven’t we met him before?” Peggy curled a lock of her ginger hair around her finger with her free hand as she asked.

“Because he lives in Colorado.” Easy question. The upcoming ones shouldn’t be any different, right?

“Why does he live over there and not with Grammy?”

Shit.

“It’s…complicated.”

Peggy gave him The Frown. The one that told him she knew there was more than Evan was letting on, and that she wasn’t stupid. The hair around her finger was getting tighter, and Evan began worrying about loss of circulation and fingers falling off and contemplated pulling out his phone to call 911. But Peggy pulled her finger away from her hair and began fidgeting with the edge of her skirt, her eyes wandering, but Evan knew she was listening closely, but before she could ask another question, Dan cut in.

“How is it ‘complicated’?” He began tugging on Evan’s hand, wanting to run ahead once more, but Evan kept a firm grip, refusing to let the young boy slip carelessly on a patch of ice and crack his skull open and maybe possibly die.

Evan sighed. “It just is, buddy. You’ll understand when you’re older.” Dan huffed, unsatisfied with the answer he got, but understanding that the answer wouldn’t change no matter how many times he asked. (He had tried many a time before).

Evan didn’t remember the walk from the twins’ school to their home being this long.

In one final attempt to fill in his kids on the current situation, Evan said: “But you have to remember, he might not understand some things.”

“Like what?” Peggy asked, her eyes trained on a small cardinal perched on a tree branch.

“Well, he may not understand Dad’s job, or why sometimes you two have to stay at Grammy’s or with Aunt Zoe and Alana for a little bit, or why Dan and Dad wear their hair long, and he might not understand it when Peggy stims, but we can help him understand, right?” He gazed at the pair hopefully and internally sighed with relief when they nodded enthusiastically.

The group was a few blocks away from home when Evan’s back pocket buzzed. Upon taking out his phone and reading the message, his heart pooled into his shoes, and his grip on Dan’s hand tightened.

**“He’s here.”**

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Me: man i haven't updated this in forever what have i even been doing with my time i should make this next chapter extra long and end nicely to make it up to the people reading this and--  
> me @ me: write the whole chapter in one night after not eating or sleeping enough and watching Thomas Sanders for three hours and make it really OOC and cringy  
> Me: that's genius
> 
>  
> 
> okay honestly if I end up doing anything wrong or make any mistakes when it comes to writing about Peggy's autism, let me know. Please and thanks


	4. Chapter 4

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Connor hustled the kids inside and took Evan’s hand in his own, pulling it against his sweater clad chest that radiated the warmth from inside. “I thought you hadn’t responded to the email?” 
> 
> Evan swallowed, trying to get some feeling into his dry, dry mouth. “I didn’t.” He murmured, thinking about how now his two, darling children were alone in the house with a man they’ve never met before, who could be doing any number of conceivable things to them at this very moment--

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Me? Updating? It's less likely than you think. 
> 
>  
> 
> whats up my name's elspeth, I'm a teenager, and i never hecking learned how to deal with my depression and so i fell into a black hole of emotionlessness and zero (0) motivation but guess what fuckers, I'm on a working medication, it's 1 am on a sunday, i have church in 9 hours, i wrote this without editing it in 45 minutes and I'm high on chocolate cake and ibuprofen so lets do this

Evan stopped in his tracks. He couldn’t breathe. The ground was swaying under his feet. There was a gaping hole in his chest and the winter wind was blowing right through him, like an old and gross scarecrow. His grip on Dan’s hand tightened and his knees shook. Is this what death feels like? Oh god he was dying. He never even got around to writing a will. Now all his stuff would be taken by the landlord and Connor and Peggy and Dan would be homeless because then their house would be taken away and they would all die on the streets from hunger and exposure and--

 

“Abba?” A small voice to his right called out.

 

Right.

 

The kids.

 

“Um,” Evan shoved his phone in his pocket and nervously licked his lips. “It’s, uh, it-it’s fine. Everything’s fine. I’m fine,” He wasn’t fine. He was the least fine he’d ever been. He was so, so not fine. “It’s just, um, Grandpa is here a little early, is all.”

 

Which, now that Evan stops to think about it, is strange. Creepy, even, because Evan never sent a response to his email. So how did he know where Evan lived? And more importantly, why would he even come if he hadn’t been properly and officially invited? Wouldn’t he be afraid of repercussion, of rebuttal, of the inevitable uncomfortableness of being around his son and his husband and kids?

 

Did he even know Evan had a husband? If he was able to find Evan’s house, than maybe. But the thought brought Evan’s anxious train of thought back to square one which was _what was he doing here?_

 

“Evan,”

 

And there was Connor. Beautiful, amazing Connor who would surely save Evan and make this whole situation go away. Who would distract the kids from Evan’s inevitable breakdown over this mess and make the bad things go away until the morning.

 

Connor hustled the kids inside and took Evan’s hand in his own, pulling it against his sweater clad chest that radiated the warmth from inside. “I thought you hadn’t responded to the email?”

 

Evan swallowed, trying to get some feeling into his dry, dry mouth. “I didn’t.” He murmured, thinking about how now his two, darling children were alone in the house with a man they’ve never met before, who could be doing any number of conceivable things to them at this very moment--

 

Evan bolted inside, not waiting for Connor, and found Peggy and Dan standing in the kitchen with their Grandfather. Dan was admently introducing himself and his sister, while Peggy stood and stared at the older man. Evan took it all in with a look of slight bewilderment.

 

His father was older than he remembered. Which made sense, because duh, time. But it was strange. His entire life, Evan had remembered his father as this young, attractive man who was always too busy for Evan. Who always seemed to have a million meetings to go to, and a billion other things he rather be doing than talking to his son. His father had run off with a nineteen year old cocktail waitress, and high tailed it from western new York state to Colorado, where he started his own family. Evan was left to wonder what he had done wrong, and what he had to avoid doing to keep his mother from doing the same thing.

 

His hair was salt-and-peppered, and there was a hint of a stubble at his chin. He was wearing a very expensive looking business suit, and was sitting in Evan’s favorite arm chair. His shoes were polished, his coat was slung over the back of the couch, and the biggest suitcase Evan had ever seen was sitting at his feet. It was well worn, leather-y. And with a pang, Evan remembered it as the suitcase he had packed up the night before he left.

 

He stood, and absorbed all the oxygen in the room. He ignored Dan and Peggy, walked up Evan, and pulled him in for a hug.

 

“Son,” was all he said.

 

* * *

  
Evan was in a trance.

 

Connor stood behind him, giving Evan’s father not so subtle looks of loathing. He ushered the kids into their room, promising to fill them in later after the adults talked. He watched as Evan’s father placed his hands on Evan’s shoulders, and said in a booming voice, “You’re shorter than I thought”.

 

“Sorry,” Connor interjecting before Evan could stutter his way into another condescending comment. “I didn’t catch your name.”

 

“I didn’t throw it,” the man said, smirking. He extended his hand to Connor, who stared him down. “The name’s Jonathan, Jonathan Hansen. I take it you’re my son’s roommate? So kind of you to let him stay here with you and your children.” He spoke without letting Connor get a word in edgewise. “I’ll be taking the guest room, I’ve already taken the liberty of setting the last of my thing’s up there, hope you don’t mind. I’ll be taking a short nap, the flight was exhausting. See you tonight at dinner.”

 

And with that, he was gone up the stairs and out of sight. Connor turned to his husband.

 

“What the hell?”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> lmao that was garbage see ya'll in 2021 when i remember to update this again rip


End file.
